When you think of the word “lonely’ what feelings come up for you?
What does the word mean to you?
Generally, when I think of loneliness I associate it with a sad, empty, lost or hurting feeling, causing a form of unhappiness. But as of recently I have encountered a feeling of loneliness that changed my definition from a negative to a positive.
There has been an abundance of goodness in my life recently. I have moved to Tofino for a fresh new start, already establishing great new connections and working on exciting creative projects, all with a massive positive attitude making this transition beautifully pleasant. Everyday my morning coffee feels like a cup of stoke that fuels my entire day, start to finish. On this particular day I had an exciting opportunity arise. I was jumping, dancing and singing around with joy and happiness. This feeling lasted most of the day, until that evening when something in me appeared to have shifted.
Tears were streaming down my face like a steady river that was unstoppable for hours. But it was ok. It felt right, like I was releasing some kind of energy that needed to be freed. So I just let the misunderstood salty tears flow from my eyes for as long as they needed. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t hurting, I didn’t feel empty or lost. I was just simultaneously very happy and very lonely… and highly confused how those two contradicting feelings were both so strongly present.
What triggered this shift?
I had been listening to a podcast that was featuring some of my closest and dearest friends, provoking heeps of wild, magical and amazing memories to come flooding in. I felt whole, grateful and loved as each crossing memory came, lingered and passed through my mind.
So why was I crying and feeling this powerful sense of loneliness?
I came to realize that even though I felt full of love, I also felt incredibly distant from everyone that brings me that joy. In those moments it really sunk in just how lucky and special I was to wake up every morning next to Alex and to have a village of friends just outside our van door. Because not only were they there when I needed love and support during my lows, but they were there to sing and dance and celebrate to all the goodness and happiness as well. I was craving that. I missed being surrounded by deep connection, infinite support. and that electric spirit we all so uniquely gave to the spaces we were in.
If you read last weeks post, then you’ll understand just how powerful the bond I have with these humans has become. It’s a home, a family, a place of belonging that lasts a life-time and is always with me, despite the distance or time in between. So knowing, feeling and living by this truth reminded me that I have built a foundation which can not be cracked no matter the cement-like weight this loneliness had put on me. It taught me the importance of honouring these times where I am forced to learn, grow and experience on my own. Not just during the hard moments, like I have been gracefully over-coming in recent weeks, but during the remarkable highs as well. Even though this lesson came as a surprise to me, I welcomed it in, allowing myself to marinate in those confusing thoughts and feelings.
I’ve realized that this time is sacred to me. It’s a time to be process, reflect, create, re-energize and become my strongest self in all aspects, so that when I reunite with my people I am able to appreciate on a different level, what a blessing it is to have them physically in my life.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be sad – let it be good, motivate and inspire you.
Tune in below, to listen to the podcast that emotionally inspired this post